Chronic Medication vs Willpower

THE HIGHS

When I first started with my antidepressant tablets as well as my 6-week trial period, the effects of the medication was instant.

Whenever I would feel my emotions dip, it was almost like someone came along and flipped my heart switch off, but only long enough for my body to realize that all of a sudden, every emotion manifesting inside of me had come to a complete standstill. My entire being just seemed to pause itself before the switch was turned on again and, somehow, I wasn’t dipping anymore, but rather, remained on a steady climb.

THE LOWS

Once your body gets use to this effect, it kind of adjusts itself and then like bacteria, grows to overcome and withstand this foreign entity. I wouldn’t say that it stops working, personally, but rather, that when your emotions do dip, the climb out of the pit is slightly harder than when you first began and the fight becomes your own again.

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I’ve been struggling with a very emotional situation recently and find myself often being pulled down beneath the current. Daily motivation is an ever-constant scenery for me and the willpower to keep getting up is still as strong as ever, but it doesn’t mean that the emptiness and darkness doesn’t still find a way to sit on top of your chest, just to remind you that you still have an ongoing battle ahead of you.

For me, the hardest part of dealing with depression is that I can constantly feel the tug-of-war between my head and my heart.

My head tells me that I can’t do this anymore and that things are too hard. Heck! It even tells me that my bed is waiting for me and screams marshmallow-cloud-comfy, it tells me that I am not hungry and that I’d benefit more if I just closed my eyes, just for a little.

But my heart; my heart is the warrior and with every beat I can hear it scream that I am stronger than this, that I can push through the cloud. It tells me to get up and move, to exercise and to focus, and this, this is my motivation.

ü  Continuing to take my medication (until I am completely off them),

ü  Updating this blog,

ü  Pushing myself to focus on what’s currently in front of me instead of what’s behind me,

ü  Taking a steady breath before responding incorrectly,

ü  Fighting to do my exercise routine and,

ü  Leaving the excuses behind when it’s time for meditation,

These are all the ways that I am pulling myself together and its little steps like this, that I find, seem to calm down the chaos and the storm, without having to turn to my other medication. This keeps me motivated in knowing that I am strong enough to reach my end goal!

What’s your motivation technique?