ISOLATION

NOUN:

The process or fact of isolating or being isolated: “isolation from family and friends”

The separation of a nation from other nations by isolationism

Sociology: Social Isolation

Walking a path hand-in-hand with both depression and anxiety means that you get to experience the highest of highs as well as the lowest of lows. How does that saying go, “Life is a roller coaster, enjoy the ride.”

Everybody is different when it comes to dealing with self-love and healing, and that is the beauty to find within each experience. Where one thing will work for you, it could have a totally opposite effect on someone else. There is no right or wrong way to understand, grow, begin, strive, overcome and embrace depression and anxiety. You need to accept the situation for what it is, in your own way, with your own strengths and likes, you need to find your pull.

Mine?

Isolation.

ANXIETY FEELS LIKE...

Since 05 February 2018, I have not seen any of my friends nor have I reached out to any of my family. I have deactivated my social media account from Facebook and though I remain on Instagram, I find that it has turned into more of a motivational media account than a personal account, as the amount of people who strive to achieve the best within their lives and for themselves is pretty awesome to follow.

Remember what I said, not everything works the same way for everyone.

Doctors, Specialists, even Google tell you that isolation is not a good sign as it turns out to be the “exact opposite of what a person needs”. But do you agree with this?

What have I learnt through my isolation:

ü  The pressure of what others had expected from me in the sense of having me show-up for events, catching up with my everyday life, making light conversation and just being present started to fade away.

It’s a suffocating feeling for me when someone wanted to see me; I would think about the things we would talk about, how they would ridicule me, judge me or if it wasn’t that, it was the pure exhaustion I felt at just the thought of having to catch someone up on my life.

Through isolation, I have learnt not to let pressure attach itself to me and to remind myself that I am in control. Expectations that I needed to live up to and honour fell away, as I started to realize that the only person who should be expecting anything from me, is… well, me.

ü  I don’t have anyone to answer to, except myself.

Let’s not be subtle here when I say that my house has felt the neglect my body has been going through and it is a complete and utter mess. Usually the stress of having to ensure that every item is cleaned before I get a verbal lashing from my parent (and Landlord) is high. Now – I lock myself away and when I feel slight motivation just touch my shoulder lightly, I grab onto it like a starved fish to a hook and I do what I can.

Remember my previous post? You can only do as much as you can, and that is enough.

Little by little, my house is starting to look like a house again.

ü  I’ve spent more time with me.

It’s the most obvious one and yet, maybe something that others don’t get to experience on their own journeys. Everyone is different, but for me, I’ve been so bored that I have started to rediscover the little things I enjoy.  I’ve started colouring again, doing my yoga, exercising, writing, walking, meditating, engaging with my animals again and even, reading.

Just by spending a couple of hours focusing on one small thing I enjoy, has also…

ü  … made me feel more motivated.

When you’re depressed or anxious and going through an isolation stage, especially at the beginning, the best way to explain it is by imagining your entire body has been dropped into a beer brewing fermenter. Your whole body gets heavy, you can’t move, you can’t breathe and you merrily sink to the bottom.

You just need to keep moving. Keep doing the routine or habits of your everyday life. Kept it simple and stick to what you know! Remember that you don’t need to face the entire day all at once – begin by thinking about and just tackling the morning thought of getting up, dressed, maybe have breakfast… the rest will follow.

By starting small, the little joys from my past have crept into my life again and in these small specs, motivation is found.

üI am free from drama.

Those who know me, know my loathing for drama on a good, strong day and how I respond to bad-mouthing and gossip. Though my friends know me well enough to know I don’t enjoy these things and they have learnt to steer clear of such topics when around me, it doesn’t mean that the outside world still won’t try to knock you down when you’re locked away.

Recently I experienced a situation where an outside source took a personal failure of mine and wanted to make it public for no reason other than to hurt me. Drama will always follow you - It’s like a sticky honey coated feather.

I felt a rise of anger that I didn’t think I was capable of generating, as my soul, emotions, being had been so still for so long. It was like a hot flame licking at my open wounds and with each touch, I realized I was feeling again.

Feeling is a good thing. It means you’re human. It means that you’re alive and it means that you can control it.

The logical thought that followed was that: I don’t deserve to upset myself and put myself down when others are out there trying to do that to and for me. I know my truths and I know myself, and that is the most important thing.

I know that with isolation you need to eventually put your best foot forward and take the plunge into the crowd of spectators, just the same as when you start medication to fix something, you eventually ween yourself off of it. There are great sites out there to help you step back into your community without any strain and the great thing is, you can go at your own pace and you can start when you feel strong within yourself.

Building yourself up first to be a stronger version than what you were when you first fell into isolation is key, I believe, and once you have this self-love and self-strength, everyday life seems just a little easier to conquer.

Love yourself, then love the world.